


Homecoming

by FridayKnights



Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Closure, Developing Friendships, Family Bonding, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:53:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21528625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FridayKnights/pseuds/FridayKnights
Summary: Saint-14 returns home and wants a second chance to make things right with Nicolai, who moved on during his absence. Somehow everything is exactly the way it’s supposed to be in the end.
Relationships: Guardian/Guardian (Destiny), Guardian/Shaxx (Destiny), Male Guardian/Saint-14 (Destiny), Male Guardian/Shaxx (Destiny)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	Homecoming

Nicolai stood there speechless. Had his eyes been deceiving him? He blinked again for good measure, it only proved that what he was seeing was true. Before him stood the legendary exo Titan, Saint-14. He was beaten up, his solid dark frame looked weathered and rusted around the edges. The exo was in dire need of a remodel, his face was missing chunks of metal and wire, the white light around his mouth was starting to short circuit out, it flickered unnaturally as he spoke. His purple eyes didn’t glow as bright as they used to, the left one was abnormally dull but still Nicolai could tell who he was. No matter how broken or bruised Saint-14 looked Nicolai could still pick him out of a crowd like a needle in a haystack. 

The first time Nicolai ran through the infinite forest to look for Saint he thought he had found the exo in his resting place. The light was drained from his body and was left surrounded by a countless number of dead vex. The infinite forest did work in mysterious ways but _this_ Nicolai hadn’t been expecting. He went home and mourned for weeks once he finally accepted that Saint-14, his first love in his new life, had been dead this whole time. But with the old exo standing before him it seemed like Nicolai had been right to think his best friend was still alive. 

“Saint…” Nicolai as breathless as he staggered towards the other Titan. Saint’s left arm wasn’t moving, it was probably broken like everything on him. He sighed relief as he lifted his right arm and brought it around Nicolai’s shoulders. 

“It’s so nice to see a friendly face… please tell me this is real and not some Vex simulation.” 

“It’s real, I promise.” He wants to hug Saint back with the same force but he’s afraid he’ll break what remains of him. His arms wrapped around the exo softly and he melts into the familiar touch. It was as he remembered it to be. Saint wasn’t always great with words but his embrace always brought him comfort. The same warmth courses through Nicolai as it had nearly a century ago. It was strange how time passed him by so quickly. 

There was a time when Nicolai had been in love with Saint-14. That is no longer the case but even so Nicolai never once stopped missing him. He wanted nothing more than to just be around Saint again, and knowing that this could now be a possibility brought tears to his eyes. It didn’t matter to him _how_ Saint was still alive or that he was in need of major repairs, it only mattered that he was here… that he was _alive_. 

“I can’t believe I’m seeing this either, I found you _dead_ a while ago.” Nicolai said. “Do you know how long you’ve been gone? How long everyone thought you were dead?”

“How long has it been? Time loops and simulations can make you lose track of time.”

“A very, _very_ long time. There’s so much I need to tell you.”

“You’ve done great things I hope.”

“Better than great, really.” Nicolai had no reason to be modest, he has done extraordinary things since they’ve last seen each other. He knew Saint-14 would be proud. 

They left together and walked out into Mercury, the lighthouse in the distance seemed to watch as the took their first steps out into reality. Saint couldn’t help but take in the sights around him. He noted how everything had changed and what the Vex had done since his initial arrival to the planet. Cabal and Vex alike roamed the planet’s surface. It looked nothing like the Mercury he landed on so long ago. It’s entire topography had changed. 

“I’ll bring you back to the tower and we can get you patched up.. there are a lot of people who’d be happy to see you. I’m sure they all have a boatload of questions.”

Saint-14 would have smiled in that moment if he’d been able to. It was time to finally go home. 

* * *

They made it back to the tower some hours later. Nicolai escorted Saint to the medical ward on the tower. They mostly patched up exo’s there, but occasionally there are things even ghosts can’t heal, thought a vast majority of the time it’s guardians not _letting_ their ghost heal them. 

Nicolai stayed long enough to see that Saint made it off alright. A nurse had taken him in and started to assess the damages to his frame and wiring. He made his way Zavala and reported his findings while on Mercury: Vex acting up & finding Saint-14. Ikora was called over to hear the news and both of the vanguard’s jaws dropped respectively. They immediately headed down to see Saint-14 with their own eyes and bombard him with at least a thousand questions. Nicolai decided it was time for him to head home, he had Ikora pass along a message for him. He promised to visit Saint the next day after he got some rest. 

The walk home was much needed. Summer was silent as she hovered over his left shoulder. Nicolai knew she wanted to say something but he didn’t have the energy to respond. They’ve been around each other for so long they didn’t need to exchange words to know what each other are thinking. 

He walked into his apartment, the one he now shared with Shaxx, and immediately undressed himself. His armor was thrown off to the side as well as the clothes he wore underneath. Shaxx may chew him out for it later but he was in desperate need of a shower and a cold beer. His better half wasn’t due home for some time anyways, and he could use the peace and quiet to collect his thoughts. 

He was happy that Saint was alive and well but had grown used to him being gone. Nicolai felt guilty to admit that to himself but it had been _so long_ and so many things have changed. Life went on without Saint around, it had to. Nicolai was happy with the life he currently had and couldn’t recall a time he’d been happier since his resurrection. For once he didn’t feel like he was scrambling to put all the pieces of his life together, everything was were it was supposed to be. 

He remembered running to Shaxx after he found Saint’s dead body. He cried, took some time to himself to truly mourn the loss of a good friend and moved on. Would he have to go through that process again at some point? Nicolai cursed at himself for thinking that way. He should be happy that he’s back and in a way of course he is. He wondered how this would impact his life now. 

Nicolai was sitting on the couch wearing only his underwear and his fluffy bunny slippers. He cracked open his third beer as he heard the door open behind him. He looked back over his shoulder to see Shaxx trudging in. His helmet came off after he closed the door behind him. If Nicolai _wasn’t_ in a mood he would have laughed at Shaxx’s helmet hair like he usually does. The crucible handler was in need of a haircut yet again. His kinky hair was longer than he usually allowed it to grow it, but Shaxx has been busy lately. Nicolai would cut it for him when they both had time.

Shaxx looked at him sympathetically, he must have heard the news. Nicolai didn’t say anything and turned his attention back towards the tv. He was watching reruns of crucible matches that Shaxx had recorded. He’d be lying if he said he was paying any attention, though. 

“I heard what happened.” 

Shaxx comes back into the room some time later in a more casual attire- his usual sleep pants and a worn out t-shirt. He brought Nicolai another drink and joined him on the couch. Nicolai cuddled up to him instantly and laid his head on the other’s shoulder. Shaxx held him closer and rested his chin on top of Nicoali’s head. 

“I don’t even know what to think.”

“I’m just as surprised as you are. The tower is abuzz. By tomorrow everyone will know I’m sure.”

“I’m happy he’s back but… I was used to my life without him. How horrible is that?”

“It’s not horrible, everyone else feels the same way you do.” He pressed a gentle kiss to his lover’s temple. “Don’t feel guilty, there’s no need to beat yourself up.”

“I can’t get the image of his dead body out of my mind, I thought that simulation was so real…. I was wrong. I always am.” 

Nicolai chugs back the rest of his beer and reattached himself back into Shaxx’s embrace. He couldn’t imagine being anywhere else during moments like these. There was nothing like having Shaxx hold him like this, Nicolai always feels safe with him. He’s at his best when he’s with Shaxx. He may not know much but he knows that for a fact.

“You may have been wrong about that, but look at the upside here. He’s back. He’s alive. That in itself is amazing. Everyone knows he’s one of the best titans who has ever lived, most view him as an idol, the people _love_ him. This is truly a blessing to us all.”

“I know, I know. I’m happy he’s back, I’m fucking ecstatic, trust me. I’m feeling too many emotions to process, that’s all.” 

“I know you are, my love.” 

They both laid together in a comfortable silence for a while. Nicolai could feel himself falling asleep and though he was used to sleeping in his partner’s arms he wasn’t fond of sleeping on the couch. He looked up to see Shaxx was also half asleep and struggling to keep his eyes open. A small smile spread across his face, Nicolai loved to see Shaxx that way because not many others are given the chance to. 

“Let’s go to bed, babe.”

* * *

Shaxx is awake and out of the house before Nicolai even opens his eyes the next morning. The crucible handler knew better than to wake the awoken man, it only made Nicolai cranky and extremely unpleasant to be around so he didn’t bother. He made sure to stay quiet as he got ready and headed out. After all, Nicolai was in need of the rest. He hadn’t been home in almost a month and saying he was _stressed out_ was a total understatement. Shaxx respected that he needed his space and some time. 

Nicolai woke up midday. He stretched, ate, and dressed himself before heading to the tower. He promised Saint-14 he’d pay him a visit and he planned to keep his end of the promise. He didn’t plan on taking any bounties for a few days, the vanguard would have to contact him if anything of importance happened. Nicolai planned on staying home for at least a week before heading out again. 

Saint-14 was in the middle of testing out his new arm when Nicolai walked into the room. As always, Saint looked happy to see him. His face was put back together, the light in his eyes and around his mouth were no longer dull but they shone as brightly as they had before. 

“I’ve been waiting all day for you to come,” he said. “I’m glad you could make it.”

“I needed the extra sleep, trust me. If I came any earlier I wouldn’t have been very good company.”

“I hear you, I do. Don’t know how I forgot you’re not much of a morning person.” 

Saint-14 stands on his feet. He’s rotating his new arm again so he can get a feel for it. Nicolai suspects he went quite some time without having the entirety of the arm, it must be weird for him to have it be whole again. 

Both men are about the same height, though Saint-14 is a few inches taller. Their height difference isn’t as great as Nicolai and Shaxx- his partner is just about 7 ft tall while Nicolai is only 6’1. Saint-14 is no taller than 6’3. Either way, Nicolai has always had a thing for men taller than himself. He pushed that thought into the back of his mind, just like he did with most of his thoughts.

“So, anything you wanna fill me in on? Zavala told me about Cayde. Ikora mentioned a few things about Osiris and what has been going on with the vex but, what’s new with you, my friend? It’s been too long.”

The exo sits on the edge of the bed and gestures Nicolai to do the same. He sits beside him after a second of hesitation. 

“I… I've been keeping myself busy with the vex and the hive, mostly.”

“And? What else?” He presses on, as if he’s waiting for Nicolai to drop the bomb on him. 

“Do you remember the daughter I told you I had? She was brought back by the Traveler, although she doesn’t remember much she believed me when I told her I was her father. We’ve been getting closer lately.” 

Nicolai could talk about Noelle all day, he didn’t bother to hide the smile on his face as he brought up his child. As old as they both may be he does still see her as her little girl. _Sunshine_ , he calls her. He doesn’t plan on stopping that anytime soon. 

“That’s truly amazing news!” Saint-14 responds ecstatically. He has his hand on Nicolai’s shoulder. “And what else?!”

“Oh, uh… I wear your helmet now, I hope that’s okay. I wanted to honor you since I was the one who found you and considering how close we were.” 

“To honor me? That’s… much more than I deserve. You’re ten times the Titan I ever was, or ever will be. That warms my heart.”

“I figured it would.” He smiled. “Wait… do exo’s even have hearts?” 

“Well, I guess we do. We feel things just like humans and awoken do.” Saint said. “I must admit I think some exo feel more than others do…”

He paused for a moment and searched Nicolai’s face. As he expected he didn’t find much. That usual look in his eyes was there: Nicolai was _not_ catching on to what Saint was trying to say, not even in the slightest way. Sometimes he swore if you looked through the other titan’s ear you’d see right through his head. He sighed and decided he to just spit it out. Nicolai wouldn’t come to the conclusion on his own.

“The whole time I was gone all I could do was think of you. I even wrote to you, but I’m assuming you never got any of my letters.”

“I’ve thought of you too while you’ve been gone.” His response is innocent, that much Saint-14 can tell. They weren’t on the same page yet. 

“Battling the vex for as long as I have it’s no surprise that for a while my mind just wasn’t right. It was only my ghost and myself.”

“Ah, yes. Angel, I’m glad she’s well too!” 

Angel is quiet as she’s hovering over Saint’s shoulder. Her shell is all white and she’s round around the edges. Summer has always been fond of her. Nicolai is _pretty_ sure Ghosts don’t have crushes but if they did he’d like to think his ghost likes Angel. He smiles to himself as he thinks about it, Saint-14 watched him with an impatient glow in his eyes. 

“Sorry, you were saying?”

“It’s just that with all of that time I had to myself it gave me the opportunity to really think about my past. When I was fighting the vex I was also battling with myself. I regret only one thing and it was how I treated you.”

“Huh? But you’re my best friend. What’s so wrong about that?”

“Nicolai, I should have told you that I loved you, too.” Saint said and while the light doesn’t quite come on in Nicolai’s mind, he was at least starting to get the point. 

“W-What…”

“We didn’t want the same thing then, but now? What is it that you want? I’ll give you anything.” 

“Saint… I…”

The exo moved in closer and took Nicolai’s hands. He held them to his mouth and rests them there, it’s his own way of kissing the other’s hands. He’s watching him with an intense glow in his eyes and the awoken is floored by the turn of events. He never _once_ thought Saint would change his mind, he’d never been the type to. He was as stubborn as titans come! 

“We could try again, one last time.” He can feel his heart race in his metal chest as he’s waiting for Nicolai’s response, but baby blue eyes meet his own like a deer in headlights. 

“Nicolai?”

“Saint, I moved on. I’m sorry.”

“You…”

“I _had_ to. Do you know how long you’ve been gone? I’ve changed. Life changed.”

“Are you with someone?” He asked. 

“I am.” 

“You’ve never been the type who settled down.”

Nicolai can feel himself getting angry. He was no longer the man he used to be, Saint may have been his best friend but he _did not_ know the man Nicolai currently was. That statement was no longer true. 

“That’s no longer true. And honestly? It never really was. I wanted to settle down with you all those years ago, remember that? _You_ were the one who didn’t want to settle down.” 

Nicolai ripped his hands away from Saint’s touch. He felt guilt pool up in his stomach as he spoke. The last thing he wanted to do was make the exo feel bad, but-

“Our time has passed.” He said sternly. “I can’t get myself to apologize about it. If you want to be my friend again I’m all for it, but this time it’s me telling you that we can’t be more than friends.”

Saint is quiet. Far too quiet for Nicolai’s liking. 

“Who is it?” He said after a moment. His voice sounded soft. He sounded hurt. 

“Does it even matter?” Nicolai had no reason to be defensive, and yet- 

Saint stands and it feels like he’s towering over Nicolai in that moment. 

“It’s Shaxx, isn’t it?” He’s standing there with his arms folded tightly over his chest. 

“It is.” He responded after swallowing the lump in the throat. 

“That explains why he didn’t want to see me, considering we’re old friends. He didn’t want to be the one to tell me. He’s smart enough to know I would have mentioned you.”

“Shaxx doesn’t hate you.” Nicolai said as if he needed to say so.

“I’m aware. That’s not what I was getting at.” 

“Then what..?”

“We’ve always talked about you, and I’m sure if I mentioned that I had feelings for you and planned on telling you so it would have ended in a fight.”

“A… fight? Wait. Why would you guys talk about me? This is the first I’ve heard of this.”

“He’s loved you for a very long time, tell me you at least know _that._ ” 

He nodded, he did know that. 

“Shaxx told me multiple times back then to just let you go and that leading you on would get us nowhere. It’s not like we never tried, you and I, it just-“

“Never worked out. I know.”

“Because I wasn’t ready, I was busy, I-“

“Those are all excuses and, as much as I love you, I do not want to hear them ever again. I _will_ punch you.” Nicolai warned. 

“Right… Sorry.” 

“I don’t want to hear that, either. It’s too late for that. Just… let me be happy, that’s all I’m asking of you.”

“How about this? You and I start off anew. We’ll be friends again, let the past be the past and just see what happens.”

“I’ve never thought I’d say this to _anyone_ but if you make even one move on me I will rip your arm right out of its locket.”

“Socket,” He corrected him. “But yes, I understand. You have a deal, Nicolai.”

Saint holds out his hand and waits.

“What?”

“A handshake.” He said.

“Ah, right…”

They shake hands agreement. They’re friends again and nothing more. Just as it should have been.

* * *

The agreement went something like this: they could meet up as friends, have drinks, share a meal, and they could take missions together but that was it. There was no talking about Shaxx or about their history together. The topic of Shaxx, for now, was completely off limits. Nicolai didn’t talk about their relationship and Saint didn’t talk about any of his own. Their relationship was professional, mostly. 

The didn’t get to work together too much. Saint-14 didn’t take many missions, Zavala didn’t want to risk him disappearing again. He mostly did things for the vanguard like run coms and train rookies. Saint missed being out in the field but enjoyed being something like Titan vanguard again. He could share his wisdom and still help every guardian who needed it. 

Nicolai was busy running missions more often than not. When he did come home he usually wanted to spend his free time with Shaxx or Noelle. It made sense, he was gone for a week or two at a time and was only home for no more than 3 or 4 days before Zavala was sending him out again. 

Shaxx had no issues with Saint, even after Nicolai told him everything. They seen each other around the tower and, though it was awkward, they greeted each other in passing but not much else. Shaxx didn’t have anything to say and neither did Saint, really. 

Zavala was talking to Saint about something but as soon as he mentioned Nicolai his mind drifted. 

“Are you listening, Titan?”

“Your formality isn’t needed, I’m listening. Keep speaking.”

“I was saying I’d like you to run coms on this mission. Nicolai and his fireteam are heading into a new simulation in the forest. We cannot reach Osiris, as usual, and you’re the next best thing.” 

“Who else is on his team?”

“Sin-7, Noelle and Helios.”

“No Piper? I’m surprised.”

“She’s away on a duty of her own on Io.” He said. “Are you willing to help?”

“Yes, yes. You didn’t need to ask, you know. I’ll do it.”

“Oh, and on your way can you hand this over to Shaxx?”

“Why me?” He asked. “You can’t?”

“We aren’t exactly on speaking terms.” Was his response. He held out a thin stack of papers and Saint took them hesitantly. He doesn’t ask why since he’s pretty sure he already knows. Saint wasn’t sure if he was on speaking terms with Shaxx, either. 

“Oh?” He looked down at the top sheet paper. “A new crucible map on the moon? That will be awesome.”

“He put in an official form to send out his redjacks and a few guardians to the moon to secure an area, I approved. Please see them off to him.” 

“Will do.” 

The walk from Zavala to Shaxx isn’t far at all yet Saint’s body felt heavy as he walked into the crucible handler’s space. He realized it was mostly because of his nerves and not because he hasn’t slept in days. 

“Shaxx-“

“Lord Shaxx.” He corrected him immediately as he took the papers from Saint’s hand. He scans them quickly and shouts something to Arcite about sending out the redjacks and contacting a small fireteam to dispatch first thing in the morning. Saint is sure the whole tower could hear him. 

“Is there something else you need?” He stands there as tall and powerful as ever, with his hands rested on his hips. Shaxx reminds him of an immovable object with the way he stands there. He’s firmly planted in the ground and no matter how hard you try you won’t get him to budge like the stubborn old titan that he is. Saint-14 isn’t scared nor is he intimidated by that. He admires it, he’s also fairly certain Shaxx learned that from him. He finds himself smiling. 

“You’re trying to scare me.” He said. His voice didn’t hide his amusement. 

“I am not.”

“You’re upset with me then, is that it?”

“Don’t give me any reason to be.” _That_ was a warning if nothing else was.

“I have no intentions of it. I'm here for the same reason everyone else is. I want to keep the city and its people safe. Now, if you’ll excuse me… I’m running coms for a fireteam on the moon.” He’s purposefully vague since he’s sure his rule about not talking about Shaxx to Nicolai also worked the other way around. Bringing up Nicolai didn’t seem like a wise thing to do. 

“Is that so?” Shaxx is too smart for his own good. He paused and softened his stance. “Good luck.”

Saint knows he knows, but isn’t sure how he knows. Numerous fireteams get sent out to the same planet at the same time battling different things. He didn’t question it, though. Saint-14 simply bid his farewells and left that part of the tower. 

**A few days later**

“You have no idea how happy I am to be home.” Nicolai doesn’t even say hello as he walked through the front door. He noticed Shaxx was half asleep on the couch. He must have been trying to wait up. 

“Welcome home.” He mumbled before letting out a yawn. 

“It’s good to be home. I’m sure you missed me.”

“Terribly.”

Nicolai kissed him quickly before making his way to the bathroom. Shaxx pushed himself to his feet and follows. He lover had that look in his eyes and Shaxx was suddenly wide awake. 

“Oh? You’re blessing me with your presence in the shower? I really am a lucky man.” 

“That you are,” Shaxx has his hands against the other bare skin as soon as he’s free of his armor. It was slow, sweet torture as he waited and watched as Nicolai stripped. “I want to show you how much I missed you.” 

“Oh?” He grinned as he pressed his back into Shaxx. “It feels like you missed me an awful lot.” He can’t help but grind against Shaxx as he hands glide against his skin. 

Before they were able to get very far a sharp knock came from their apartment door. Shaxx was too busy pressing kisses to his neck to even notice, but Nicolai heard. Considering mind blowing sex was on the line, he chose to ignore the knock and hoped whoever it was would get the hint thay he really did _not_ want to be bothered right now. 

When the knock came again a moment later Shaxx noticed. Of course he noticed. He had just got down on his knees and was about to work his magic. He looked up at Nicolai with an arch in his brow. 

“I wonder who that could be so late at night.” 

“Is this the part where you tell me to put on some pants and go get the door?” Nicolai didn’t bother to hide the annoyance in his voice. “Because I’d much rather ignore them and continue doing what we’re doing.”

“I’d go get the door, but…” He made a vague gesture towards his bottom half. “It would be rude.”

“Rude? If I were them, I'd be thankful.”

“How is it that you can only take a hint when it comes to dicks?” 

“What are you talking about?” 

Nicolai had his famous empty-headed look on his face. Shaxx shook his head and sighed, he heard the knock yet again. 

“Go get the door, Nicolai.”

“ _Fiiiiine._ ” 

He grabbed a pair of shorts on his way through the bedroom. He was tripping over himself as he tried to walk to the door while pulling up the red shorts over his legs. 

He pulled the door open as the uninvited guest went to knock again. Nicolai was more than surprised to see Noelle on the other side. She had a worrisome look on her face, something was obviously weighing on her mind. It must have been important for her to seek out Nicolai at such a late hour. 

“What’s wrong, sunshine?” He took her hand and pulled her inside. Noelle follows quietly as she’s led to kitchen table and sits down. 

“It’s… I’m so sorry to stop by so late at night. I just really wanted to see my old man.” A small smile crossed her lips. 

Nicolai looked at her and he can see his old self. She looks so much like him, the hair, the skin, they have the same nose, lips, and her eyes even if they are a darker blue than his own. Noelle’s smile, though, is just like Phoenix’s- her other father. He can’t help but smile at the thought. They both have many years under their belt, Nicolai a century or two more, but the feeling in his heart says that she will always be his little girl. Right now she needs him, and he has every intention of helping Noelle. 

“I came back from a mission yesterday. I was sent out with Ambrose-11 and Santiago. You know, Saladin’s son.” 

“I know your fireteam pretty well. Ambrose is an old friend. Santiago I’ve known for some time through his dad. What about them?”

“It’s just Santiago, actually. You see, him and I, we… we’ve been seeing each other. Nothing serious. A little more than friends.” She specified. “I _really_ like him and I want something more serious but I don’t know if he wants the same.”

Nicolai knows the feeling all too well. 

“You won’t know until you ask.”

“I _know_ but what if he doesn’t want to be with me like that?”

“Take it from me, you move on if that isn’t what he wants. Don’t waste your time on people who don’t want what you have to offer. You’re the only one who will get hurt in the end.”

“Are you speaking from personal experience? It sounds like you’re speaking from personal experience.”

“Unfortunately.” Nicolai thought of his past relationship with Saint-14. “I’ll tell you the story.”

Shaxx sticks his head through the doorway to see them both sitting down at the table. Nicolai is holding Noelle’s hands as he speaks. She’s watching him with admiration and he has her undivided attention. He decides it’s not his place to interrupt and lets them have their moment of peace. Shaxx quietly retreats to the bedroom. 

“There was a time in my life where I loved someone so much it blinded me. I was giving more than I was getting and told myself it was okay because I loved him. Really, the whole time I was just hurting.”

“What did you do about it?” 

“That’s the thing, I didn’t do anything… we were always on and off and when we weren’t together I was drowning myself in liquor and meaningless hookups to try and forget about him and how much pain I was in. It took me too long to realize I was also hurting someone else in the process..”

Noelle watched him with a curious look in her eyes. 

“Are you talking about Saint-14, by chance?” She asked. Nicolai was surprised. “He’s mentioned you a few times to me, it nothing much but I could tell that he cared for you. _Cares_ for you.” She corrected herself. Noelle noticed the slight change in Nicolai’s expression. 

“Ah, well… yeah, I _used_ to love him. That was many moons ago, Sunshine. I was trying to make a point here, though…”

“That I should talk to Santiago and not hurt myself or him because of my silence?”

“Yeah, let's go with that! Sounds good, don’t it? Maybe I’m not so bad at this dad thing after all.”

“You’re alright, still needs some work.” Noelle smiled and gave her dad a quick hug. “I’ll talk to him and if we want different things I’ll have to deal with it and move on. Thank you.”

“No thanks needed, I just don’t want to see you get hurt. I hope one day you’ll find someone like Shaxx.”

“Like Lord Shaxx?” She questioned. “Maybe… but I prefer my men quieter.”

“Is he loud? I never noticed…” His mind trailed off, but he was brought back on track when Noelle let out a yawn. “Sleep here tonight. The couch is pretty comfy. I can give you something to change into. In the morning I’ll have Shaxx make us breakfast!”

“Will Lord Shaxx be okay with that? I don’t want to impose…”

“I don’t know what ‘impose’ means but you’re my baby, you’re always welcome. Shaxx has no say in the matter when it comes to you. Also, if I ask him nicely he does just about anything for me. That guy is _crazy_ about me!” 

“And you’re just as crazy about him, old man!” 

“Yes, but don’t tell him that. Now let me get you some spare clothes and a blanket. You can’t tell me no, either. I’ve made up my mind.”

Noelle had no intention of protesting against it. She wanted to stay. She wanted to wake up and have her father there first thing in the morning. A part of her wants to see Nicolai and Shaxx together more often. She admired the relationship they had as well as admired them both individually. Shaxx was a legend among the titans, and Nicolai was an icon in his own respect. What they had was solid and strong. She could tell how much they loved each other by the way they looked at one another and by how they spoke of each other. Noelle wanted that for herself one day. 

“Hey, Nicolai…”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you, again. I really mean it.” 

She hugged him tightly before he had a chance to leave the room. Nicolai froze for a moment before returning her embrace. He kissed her temple softly before leaving and coming back with a blanket and a change of clothes. 

“Get some rest, sunshine. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Shaxx was pretending to still be asleep when Nicolai crawled into bed next to him. 

“It was Noelle,” he said quietly. “Boy troubles. I’m an expert in that field. You can go to sleep now.”

“You know me so well..” Shaxx said softly. He rolled over and wrapped his arms around his partner. He’d have his ghost cure him of his tiredness in the morning when he was due to wake. “Goodnight, my love.”

“G’night, sugar bear.”

* * *

Noelle was surprised at the spread Shaxx made for breakfast, but considering how much he and Nicolai both worked out it did make sense. They had egg whites, oatmeal with fresh fruit, steak and yogurt. Noelle took some oatmeal for herself and put the fresh fruit in her yogurt. That was enough for her, she was never one for a big meal so early in the day. Usually her Ghost would take care of her when she was hungry. 

“Did you actually get Shaxx to make all of this?” Noelle whispered as she leaned over to talk into Nicolai’s ear. 

“No, he did not.” Shaxx bellowed. He had no idea what an inside voice sounded like. “ I _always_ make breakfast. When Nicolai is home he makes dinner. That’s out agreement.”

“I just like to tell myself I make him do things.” Nicolai shrugged. “Makes me feel special. Anywho… are you setting out on another mission today?”

“Tomorrow I’ll he going out to the moon with my fireteam. Simple recon. We’ll clear out some fallen while we scout out the area. Nothing I’m not used to by now.” She shrugged. “And Saint-14 will be running tactical again, that’s always fun.”

“Fun? How so?” The crucible handler questioned. 

“He makes jokes, encourages us, takes us out for drinks when we get back… It gives us something to look forward to when we get home. It’s nice.”

“That is very nice of him to do.” 

“Yeah, it is. He tells us stories, too. Doesn’t like talking about the vex, though. I’d hate to eat and then leave but…” she looked over at Nicolai suggestively. “I have things to do, someone to talk to…” 

“Huh? Oh, right! Good luck, Sunshine!” 

Nicolai walked her to the door and saw her off. Shaxx was behind him in an instant. He wrapped his arms around the other’s wasit. 

“You ready for our morning run?”

“I’m ready to race you and win, _again._ ”

“Oh, you’re on!”  
  


**A few weeks later**

Nicolai sat in an unused part of the tower where he could catch the perfect view of the sunset over the city. For many years he would come to this very spot to watch the sun as it sets behind the very walls he helped build. It was a gentle reminder of how far he’s come and what it is that he fights for. Not everyone shares his reasoning, but most people can agree that they fight to keep the people of the city safe if not for any other reason. Over the years he gained other reasons to fight, but overall it was to keep the people he cared for protected. 

His ears perked up as he heard footsteps behind him. He looked over his shoulder to see Saint-14 walking towards him. The old exo sat beside him without saying a word. Their eyes met briefly, but Saint turned his attention towards the sunset instead. He watched the orange and yellow hues dance around the clouds in the sky as the sun sank behind them. It reminded him of the times before when he’d sit here with Nicolai and watch, even if things were different now. 

“Saint-“

“Do you want to know the truth?” He said quietly as he looked out at the city. “I always knew I was never what you needed.”

“That’s ridiculous-“

“What I could have given you wasn’t enough. It wasn’t what you needed and not nearly as much as you deserved. It was _never_ that I didn’t love you, Nicolai. It was always that I didn’t love you the way you deserved. Even now, we’re worlds apart and the love I feel for you is not nearly deserving enough for your time.”

Nicolai was, for the first time in a long time, speechless. 

“You’re very affectionate and kindhearted. Much more so than I. What you want from a relationship and what I could give were not the same, that’s why we never worked no matter how much we loved each other. Love isn’t always enough, unfortunately.”

“Saint, do you know what hurt me most? I never got to say goodbye. I thought I had my chance when I found you _dead_ , but then I find you again by chance and now I don’t know how to feel anymore. You finally tell me what I want to hear but… it’s just too late.”

“I know that. I came here to talk and get some closure. I don’t expect anything more from this. I just wanted to apologize and get that off my chest. I know how you feel and I know you’re happy with Shaxx and how much you like him.”

“I _love_ him.” Nicolai said softly. “I get to wake up next to him every morning and it’s perfect. I don’t need to worry about him not being home when I get there and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love Shaxx so much that it scares me. Losing you was hard for me but if anything ever happened to him, I-“ 

He clasped a hand over his mouth as he felt himself start to tear up. Just the thought alone was something he couldn’t bare. Saint scooted closer and wrapped an arm around the other’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry I put you through so much, but I really am glad that you moved on. I’m happy that you’re happy, I mean that.”

“I just hope that one day we can all be friends again. That’s what I really want. Can you do that?” Nicolai asked.

“Yes.” He said. “I know it won’t happen overnight and that’s we’re all trying to be civil but yes. I really do want that too.”

“Thank you.” 

They sat there and watched the sunset before going their separate ways. They agreed to meet up again at another time for a few drinks. Nicolai said he’d convince Shaxx to tag along. 

* * *

Shaxx was sitting up in bed with Rosalind on his lap. One hand was occupied with a new book he’d been lended and the other was busy giving the fluffy ragdoll cat head scratches. He was free of matches for the day and thought he deserved some r&r for the long few weeks he’s had. Miss Rosalind was always purring softly as she sat with Shaxx, she often meowed when he would walk into the house. When Nicolai wasn’t home it brought a smile to his face knowing he wouldn’t have to spend his nights and mornings alone. 

Nicolai _was_ home, but had stepped out for fresh air hours before Shaxx even arrived home. Of course, the crucible handler knew Nicolai was back in town since he stopped by his area of the tower to check in. He was stressed from everything happening on the moon and said he needed to clear his mind for a bit. Shaxx assumed he was off somewhere having a drink or training in the secluded areas of the city where he could be alone and take out his anger on training dummies. Either way, he knew Nicolai needed some time to himself and Shaxx was okay with that. 

Hearing the door click shut from the other room filled Shaxx with relief. He didn’t expect Nicolai to be gone for as long as he was, even if he did understand. They had fairly good communication between them both but at times like these Shaxx did wish Nicolai would open up just a little more and confide in him. He was guilty of doing just the same when his mind would sometimes get the best of him. He was sure they had similar reasons for doing so, like not wanting to make their partner worry. 

Some time passed before Nicolai walked into the bedroom. His hair was damp and a towel hung loosely around his waist. Shaxx couldn’t help but watch no matter how interesting the book in his hands had been. His partner seemed more subdued that he was before but not quite his usual cheerful self. Nicolai was quite as he changed and crawled into bed next to Shaxx. 

“Are you feeling better?” 

“I am.” A small smile crossed his lips as he plucked the cat from Shaxx’s lap. “Better now than I was before.”

“Do you… wanna talk about it?”

“Nah,” He kissed the kitty’s temple and held her close to her chest as she purred happily. “I said what I needed to say already.”

“Alright…”

Shaxx laid back and made himself comfortable. Nicolai did the same moments after when Rosalind jumped off his lap and went to lay down at the end of the bed. He curled up beside his lover. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you, too.”

“No, I _really_ love you, Shaxx. A lot.”

“I know, and I feel the same. Where is this coming from, my love?”

“I just wanna make sure you know how much you mean to me and how happy I am to be with you.” He said before he kissed him. “You, my friends, and my daughter are my whole world. You, me, and Noelle really feel like a family and I’ve never been happier. I guess I should include Mashed Potatoes into the mix. She’s family, too.” 

“We are a family. I’m glad you feel that way, too. Need I ask you _again_ to stop calling the cat that?” 

“You know I don’t listen.” Nicolai said. 

Shaxx did know that. 

“Did you go to the training fields again to get out some of your anger?”

“No. I watched the sunset and just relaxed. It was nice.” 

“Oh.. Next time you feel like watching the sunset you should tell me. I love watching it with you.” Shaxx ran his fingers through the others soft hair. “You never need to worry about making me worry, you know. I want to help you in any way that I can whenever I can.”

“I know, sugar bear. I know. Next time we can watch it together. I’m sorry I was gone for so long. I had… and unexpected guest.” 

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Saint showed up. He apologized again and I’m surprised I didn’t punch him for it. Something about closure, he said. I guess he needed it.”

“Do I need to speak with him?”

“What for? We both said what we needed to say. I think he just needed to get some stuff off his chest. I know how that feels. We’re good now. He wants us all to be friends again.”

“And what do you want, Nicolai?”

“I want us all to be friends again, too.” He said. “Is that okay?”

Shaxx smiled and kissed him. 

“It’s okay.”

“I know it’ll take time but we have all the time in the world.”

Nicolai knows that may not exactly be true, but for the most part it is. Shaxx wants to agree but has the rumors of the darkness floating around in the back of his mind. They may not have forever, but he hopes they have many more years to spend together. 

**Some Months Later**

Nicolai knocked back his fifth shot and Saint-14 is impressed. He knocks back one himself and Shaxx follows suite. They’re all sitting together at the bar, Noelle and Santiago included- they’re there as a couple and enjoying themselves while not drinking nearly as much as the other titans. Saint even brought someone along with him, he was a human warlock by the name of Saros. 

“One more?” Nicolai looked as Shaxx as if he’s asking for permission and Shaxx doesn’t think they should drink anymore, but before he can even open his mouth to answer Nicolai is pouring himself another shot and holding up the glass. 

Noelle and Santiago raise their glasses as well, everyone else has reached their limits. The three of them made toast and took their shot. If they had anymore they would need to be walked home. Nicolai knew better than to think Shaxx would carry him home. He would get a lecture on not drinking so much instead and he didn’t wanna hear it. He didn’t mind stumbling a little but as they both walked home. 

It was wonderful for all of them to be out together like this. Saint and Saros were laughing amongst about something and it was nice to see them both happy. It was even nicer to see Saint move on. Nicolai held Shaxx’s hand under the table and squeezed. 

“Hey, Sugar bear?”

“Yeah?”

“This is kinda like a triple date, huh?”

“You could say that,” he responded. “I think in a perfect world we would all be less drunk.”

“Maybe… but maybe not.”

“Are you ready to head home?”

“Are we gonna have sex when we get home?”

“Probably, why do you ask?”

“Because if they weren’t here right now I’d already be climbing you like a fucking tree.” He let go of Shaxx’s hand and ran it against his thigh. 

“People being around has never stopped you before.” He pointed out. “Ah, but then again it would be inappropriate considering who we’re here with.”

“Exactly! So we should get going so I don’t have to wait any longer.”

Shaxx had no objections to that. 

They all paid for their drinks and walked out together. Noelle thanked them all for a good time and leaned against Santiago as they made their way towards his place- it was much closer than hers. Saros, as respectful and well spoken as he was, went off on his own but asked to sed Saint another time alone. Saint said yes. He seemed happy to say yes. 

“Tomorrow if you’re free.” Saros said. “I’ll be home for a majority of the day. Feel free to stop by. I would very much enjoy your company while I work.” 

“Tomorrow sounds good, I’ll be there.”

Saros was never one to show much emotion on his face but he smiled and sighed a breath of relief. He was glad to hear it. 

“Sounds like you have a date tomorrow~” Nicolai teased the exo after the warlock left. “You may be going home alone tonight but hey, I think you’ll get some tomorrow at least.”

“Ah, maybe I’ll get lucky…” He laughed nervously. “It’s been a long time, though. Makes me nervous just thinking about it.”

“Don’t be! Saros doesn’t seem like the type who gets a lot of action, either.” He shrugged. “Just go with the flow, my friend. Ah… speaking of getting some… lets go, Shaxx. I’m horny.”

Shaxx was already walking off ahead of him. Nicolai gasped. He hadn’t noticed the other man walk away. Saint-14 couldn’t help but laugh. 

“You better go catch him or you’ll end up like me tonight!”

If Nicolai wasn’t drunk he would already be running after Shaxx. He sighed and hung his head. 

“You’re probably right. By the time I get back, he'll be asleep. I can already tell.” 

“Maybe tomorrow, my friend.” He teased. “I’ll see you around Nicolai, thanks for tonight. I had a good time. It felt just like it used to.”

Nicolai was happy, too. It really did feel like old times. 

“You ain’t gotta thank me,” he said. He looked over to see Shaxx getting smaller in the distance. Was he… running? “SHAXX, WAIT UP!”

Watching Nicolai attempt to run while his limbs didn’t wanna move the way they normally would was the funniest thing Saint-14 had seen in many years. He clipped the moment and put it into his memory bank for when he needed a laugh later on. Nicolai _did_ change for the better, but he was mostly the same as Saint remember him to be. Him being a big goofball and a good time would never change. Saint was happy for that. 

Saint-14 was happy and Nicolai was happy, maybe not in the way they had hoped all those years ago but it better off this way and they both knew it. Nicolai would go home and fall asleep next to the man they love while Saint would lay in bed and think about Saros and dream about what could come between them.

In the end, everything was as it was meant to be. 

**Author's Note:**

> So they don’t get back together in the end but they DO rekindle their friendship and I think that’s a good thing :) thanks for reading! Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes I missed!


End file.
